Loosing while still here Part 1

Standing in the doorway, looking at the shell he lives in now. My Master, lover, the reason I had not to run. A house, business,and the embracing of the Wolf side of me that earned me that name for real.
6'4" Salt and pepper hair and beard. Eyes that look like ancient Ice from a Glacier. Meeting again as we did was pure luck. The not running that time by choice. Almost 12 years it has been just us and the kids. Our pups Jake and Fozz-e-Bear. Seven Years on the road in a Semi-truck and touring the country in his truck and my Dog house. From the start he let me embrace that which so many fear. The so called DARK SIDE of my nature. We drove in Leather Sometimes I would be behind the wheel and wearing my leash. Loved it. When close so close to dying I was, he nurtured me, and allowed me the dignity of being home to Die. Laughed when as things got worse I could not walk and had to crawl on all fours, he would say I was embracing my true Wolf nature. It helped me cope. Getting better he let me hold on to all of it and grow with it. Being pawed on the floor. Even with company there.
Now leaning on the door to the Bedroom, it is my turn to nurture and wait. There is no getting better, no miracle this time. I will once again soon have to walk alone. The Loner in me accepts and embraces that to a point. Life has been HIM first for 12 years. Shopping with some extra money. I spend it on him. Out on the road and find something unique. Him. Foods, painting the house, GOD, even how he like my muzzle hair trimmed. Now what? I look as His body fails, sleeps all the time, and does not eat much. Last time he had enough voice to talk ,surprises abound. "You need to find someone else, your intellectual equal, and a good handler." Emotions at that point shut down in me. Had to so I could function.
He is leaving me because he has no choice. His eyes, those Glacier Blue Eyes still sparking with life, in a body that is not. The Wolf stays at his side calming and whining in private to not upset Master, my Husband. To loose this way is natural. I HATE IT. being the Lone Wolf again never crossed my mind. now it does all the time. The canine self that dwells within knows whats coming is natural, as it is to be.
The human side is scared, and hurting.
I will always have memories. The good ones. However I am remembering while he is right in front of me. Loosing him while he is still here, a piece at a time. My Master, Handler....
my life.

This Sucks!

I only hope he knows how much I love him,and how much he played a role in saving my life. Rest well Master when the time comes. I will not like it but I do accept it